When you’re trying to decide whether or not to tell someone, there are a few things you can ask yourself first.   

Why do I want to tell them?

First, think about why you want to tell this person:

• Are there any particular benefits from telling them?
• Do I need or want anything from them?
• Could they be a useful source of support?
• Are they good at talking about emotional issues?
• Are there practical reasons for telling them?
  
  

You should also ask yourself what they might do with the news.

We all know people we think should know, or who somehow have a right to know. But think through the next two questions first.

How do you think they’re going to react?

Everyone we’ve told has reacted differently. It can depend on how much someone knows about HIV. It can also depend on their relationship with you. People who’ve known you for a long time are probably going to react very differently to someone you’ve only just met. People’s attitudes around sexuality, morality or illness can also play a part.

Try thinking about how a particular person will feel when you tell them. Imagine the best and worst case scenarios. How they reacted when you came out to them might be an indication of what to expect now.

Someone might not know what to say or how to react. They might not say much at all and need time to take in what you’re telling them. They might just walk away. Or they may break down and start crying.   

People you tell may have lots of questions, so be prepared. If they’re really worried, you may end up having to support and comfort them.

Can they keep it to themselves?

Is the person you’re telling someone you can trust not to tell other people? Keeping control over who knows about our HIV status is something that’s important to us. 

We've found that when we tell someone, it’s a good idea to be clear about who they can and cannot talk to about our HIV status.